Elegy for My Departed Sweetheart on the Occasion of Her Birthday - Matt Cantillon

I met her on a Friday evening

Having dinner at a friends

Her voice, her speech, her acuteness of mind

Robbed me of my breath

As I made my way home that night

Head and heart set awhirl

I knew my life would be changed forever

And I knew she would be a major part…

Friendship followed and it slowly grew

As we took each other’s measure

I helped her and she helped me

And love and respect became our way

She became a healer of those troubled souls

And deftly made her way in life

A stunning mother and parent still

Her children growing loved and true.

And then we became man and wife

Sworn to honor and respect

Standing before the holy person

Professing our I Do’s

And I was made by those very vows

The happiest man alive

She told me she’s been so afraid that

Marriage would upset the scene

But no she said, it only improved

A life already so full of joy

One day soon after sickness came

A tumor in my heart

I at the door of death stood

Ready to depart from my dear love

But I came back from death’s cruel portal

Unwilling to leave my love

Who sang to me and healed my heart

And helped me through that mortal wound.

And so time passed, the children grew

And we moved from place to place

We prospered, traveled and made our jokes

And grew fonder by each day

Until one came a grim grey guest

Unbidden and unseen

A cancer vile and angry moved

Into our lives to stay

A ransom asked, a ransom paid

It brooked no disrespect

We became its servants

Its feudal serfs

And suffered in its wake

My Susan suffered the most of all

From pain from drugs from uncertainty

And I from the thought of loss

And so it was for three long years

We lived in its shadow

Our jokes were stilled

The fires of our joy banked low

I cared for her as best I could

Cursing my inability to cause a miracle

Holding vigil in a darkened room

As the light of my life grew dim

I held her in that darkened room

And whispered her my love

I promised she’d be forever my wife

She asked if I would be all right

For sure I lied for sure

And then she died, the world robbed

A healer wife and mother gone away

A beacon of light gone out that day

And we who loved her are left

To wonder about what plan

Could possibly work this way

No logic applies

In this awful loss

No reason to help us grasp

Why we must live in this dark

Our wife, our mother gone from us.

So must we stay in this crappy world

Devoid of love’s warm touch?

In an empty house

In an empty life

With an empty heart

Susan, the brightest light

The most radiant smile

Lit no more….

MPC For your birthday princess. 08-2015

How Do We Remember?

     When Susan's mom passed away back in 2005, we established a 'remembrance tradition' that we have observed in each year since.  We called it 'Bubbie Day' in honor of Susan's mom, who was 'Bubbie' to all her grandchildren.  On that day, the anniversary of her birthday, we all eat ice cream in her memory.  Bubbie (Ruth) was somewhat of an ice cream fanatic, and so many of us felt this would be a fitting tribute.  And so it is.

      So I am now entering this dreaded "anniversary season', which will last from now until the end of holiday season in January.  Susan's birthday is in August.  Her health really started to decline in August of last year. September marks the anniversaries of the deaths of my father and my younger sister, as well as Susan's and my anniversary. The high Jewish Holidays occur in this time frame, and Susan and I always celebrated them together. My birthday falls in October, followed then by late October and November during which time Susan's health deteriorated horrifically. And then she passed away 11-28 of last year (Thanksgiving), followed by Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years and the anniversary of my mom's passing on January 9.  Pretty relentless, I would say.  

     How do we get through these times?  How do we maintain some shred of sanity while still doing honor to the memory of our lost loved ones?  In that first year after our big loss, I can only posit that distraction is one of the best solutions to dealing with the extra load of grief at these anniversary times. Fill your calendar with things to do; surround yourself with people.  And establish some sort of tradition that you and your family can perform every year to honor your loved one.  

     My Susan was an wonderfully talented artist and also an Art Therapist who helped people with traumatic brain injuries.  So what I think we should do each year on Susan's birthday is to make some art in her honor.  Talent is not required.  Dig out your crayons and color a page of a coloring book. Make a collage; build a house of cards; compose a piece of music (my art of choice).  Susan put so much incredible beauty out into the universe, not only in the art she did, but more importantly in the healing she did.  And in the incredible children she bore and raised. So those of us in her family can honor her by creating something and letting it float out there to join the wonderful things she created and perpetuated..  

Be well and at peace.