How Do We Remember?

     When Susan's mom passed away back in 2005, we established a 'remembrance tradition' that we have observed in each year since.  We called it 'Bubbie Day' in honor of Susan's mom, who was 'Bubbie' to all her grandchildren.  On that day, the anniversary of her birthday, we all eat ice cream in her memory.  Bubbie (Ruth) was somewhat of an ice cream fanatic, and so many of us felt this would be a fitting tribute.  And so it is.

      So I am now entering this dreaded "anniversary season', which will last from now until the end of holiday season in January.  Susan's birthday is in August.  Her health really started to decline in August of last year. September marks the anniversaries of the deaths of my father and my younger sister, as well as Susan's and my anniversary. The high Jewish Holidays occur in this time frame, and Susan and I always celebrated them together. My birthday falls in October, followed then by late October and November during which time Susan's health deteriorated horrifically. And then she passed away 11-28 of last year (Thanksgiving), followed by Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years and the anniversary of my mom's passing on January 9.  Pretty relentless, I would say.  

     How do we get through these times?  How do we maintain some shred of sanity while still doing honor to the memory of our lost loved ones?  In that first year after our big loss, I can only posit that distraction is one of the best solutions to dealing with the extra load of grief at these anniversary times. Fill your calendar with things to do; surround yourself with people.  And establish some sort of tradition that you and your family can perform every year to honor your loved one.  

     My Susan was an wonderfully talented artist and also an Art Therapist who helped people with traumatic brain injuries.  So what I think we should do each year on Susan's birthday is to make some art in her honor.  Talent is not required.  Dig out your crayons and color a page of a coloring book. Make a collage; build a house of cards; compose a piece of music (my art of choice).  Susan put so much incredible beauty out into the universe, not only in the art she did, but more importantly in the healing she did.  And in the incredible children she bore and raised. So those of us in her family can honor her by creating something and letting it float out there to join the wonderful things she created and perpetuated..  

Be well and at peace.