The question that is never far from my consciousness is "What would you do if you were me?" Another way of phrasing it is "What is next for me?". For the bereaved it is a question of great importance, as well as being possibly the most difficult question to answer. I have been asking it to myself, to family and to friends for months now. I get many helpful suggestions, much good advice, but cannot seem to arrive at a suitable answer as of yet.
I am generally a very decisive person. In the 32 years I have run my own business I have made any number of crucial decisions: some good, some not so good, but always made without dithering. Now I am dithering.
There is a good reason to dither. During the first year after losing my loved one, which is approaching its end this month, I have determined that it is unwise to make major life decisions while grieving and mourning. I have passed through periods of depression, periods of contentment, periods of joy, encouragement, and sadness. Attempting to overlay that circus wheel of emotions with any kind of life altering decisions seems to me to be the height of folly.
As a purely practical matter, I am in good shape. I am still working, which I enjoy. I have a few bucks put away, have just gone onto Medicare and am in reasonably good health. I have an incredible group of friends, family and customers who are unwaveringly supportive and helpful. So there are no compelling reasons why I need to figure out what is next right now.
So I guess the conclusion I have come to, at least for the moment is this: "what would I do if I were me?". I would sit tight, and consign the problem to my subconscious and let it work itself out over as much time as is needed. In the meantime, keep watching the horizon for as much light and hope as can be realized.
Cheers, everyone.
MPC:11-01-2015
