Valentine’s Day Again
Yes, Susan and I were big fans of Valentine’s Day. We would
go out to dinner, I would give her roses, and we would write a poem to each
other. We regarded it as just another
way to celebrate the magic that was our relationship. So it is kind of a hard day for me to get
through. I hear all the hype, see all
the ads for flowers and chocolates and all the other (Buy Me! Buy Me!) crap
that the Great Marketing Mechanism tries to foist off on us, and think to
myself, yup, I used to participate in that.
So is a widower on Valentine’s Day like a Christian
Scientist with appendicitis? A little, I
think.
You find out when the clock turns over one year since the
loss of your loved one that it does not magically get any easier. You find out that the grief process is
anything but a straight line. And while
on one day you are full of ideas about your future, brimming with positive
energy and resolve, and ready to take on the world, the next day you just want
to dig a hole and crawl in.
So I have neighbors coming over this evening for a
reasonably gourmet supper and some good conversation and a bottle or two of
good wine. That will get me through the
worst of it.
And, while at one level my mind keeps wanting to make plan
after plan about my future, loaded with details and things I will do, the best
strategy remains this: enjoy the ride as best you can. You will know when it is time to change
things. You will know how. Now is not the time.
I wrote this poem as I was contemplating how badly I missed
Susan in the run-up to Valentine’s day.
Another Day
Another day
in paradise
My sweetie used to say
Talking
about our life together
And celebrating every day.
And what she
meant
Was in all ways true
But now
she’s gone
And I don’t know what to do.
Every day I
pace and pace
Through the motions of my life
Wondering if
30 morphine pills
Would help me join my wife.
I know that
my ending that way
Will never ever come to be
But finding
meaning in this pacing cage
Is something I find hard to see.
Another day
in paradise
My sweetie used to say
The irony of
those words
Ringing in my ears every day.
02-12-2016:MPC
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.
