The Lessons of Life

It can sometimes take a lifetime to learn many of the important things there are to learn from life. As horrific as the grieving process is, it offers many an opportunity for learning, if you are open to those opportunities.

I was raised in a significantly chaotic environment, and as a result, became a person who abhorred surprises and a real black and white thinker.  In addition, I always had to have a plan, regardless of the situation.  All of that sprang from being raised in chaos, and for a time those strategies served me well, or so I thought. My wonderful Susan was able to soften the edges of some of those proclivities over time.  I gradually became less rigid, less insistent on trying to know what would be the outcome of any given situation. She gave the gift of spontaneity,  and in addition, and most importantly, she taught me a heightened sense of self awareness, the ability to witness my own behavior and to understand what I was feeling.

Enter the grieving process. Like a physical illness, passing through the grieving process is not linear. In any given day I will experience joy and despair, hope and desolation, loneliness and companionship, confidence and fear.  They roll by like so many frames of a moving picture. And you have to let the process proceed.  Do not try to distract yourself from it, because it is a process that must take place or healing will not happen. It is important, I have learned, to be as open to life as possible during this process. There is much to learn.

For me, one of the most important lessons I have learned is to be grateful for the 2 decades I had with Susan. I had that. It cannot be taken from me.

As I slowly start to understand that there can be a future with some level of satisfaction; as small rays of light start to show through the curtain blackened by grief, I remain open to the moments of sadness and loss, as well as to the moments of pleasure, amusement and joy.  And it is through all those moments that we can heal from our loss.

Happy Fathers' Day
06-21-2015