Dealing With Multiple Losses

I have no way to judge whether my situation is exceptional, but I was the last living member of my family of origin when my beloved wife passed away several months ago.  My father, mother, sister and brother have all been lost, and now my beloved.  Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by the cumulative sense of loss and abandonment. 

My father died at the age of 41 when I was 10. I still miss him.  He was a good human being, kind and gentle, with a razor sharp mind, a sense of humor and a calm demeanor.  My mom passed away in 1999 and my sister followed 4 years later.  My brother had simply vanished several year earlier and attempts to locate him were in vain.

Finally, after a 3 year struggle, my wife of 20 years succumbed to her cancer. And with this devastating loss, it seems as though all the losses have knit themselves together into one horrific disaster, feeding upon one another.  

I count myself very lucky that my family and friends have been incredibly supportive, kind and generous with their time and support.  In addition, I have availed myself of more than one support group dealing with loss; have read a number of books that I have found somewhat helpful, and have tried very hard to stay open to everything offered. This seems to be the best way to get through this absolute madness. 

The other thing I have done is resolved not to make any major decisions until at least one year has passed from the time my beloved passed away. Emotions rush by like so much freeway traffic, and I find myself laughing one minute and crying the next.  One cannot make important decisions under such circumstances, or in any event, should not. 

Operating from the position of having no earthly idea what the rest of my life should look like, I get up every day, drag myself through the day doing what is expected of me, leading the life I led when my wife was alive, but without her.  I hate it; detest this colorless, joyless existence that has no Susan in it. But now is not the time to change it. I must be patient with myself and with life in general.  I do invest some measure of hope in the old adage, "This too shall pass".

09-01-2015