What Does Healing Look Like?

     Just like healing from a physical injury or disease is seldom a straight line, so too is the process of healing from a loss.  But over the last few weeks, with the help of some intense self examination and awareness, I have managed to receive some insights into healing as well as to experience some actual healing.

     I took a long road trip out to Washington state last month and as part of that, spent six long days in the car driving through state after state.  Such an experience gives one a lot of time to think.  During those long and often lonely stretches of time, I worked on the grief process, listened to music that would make me sad, and basically spent a good deal of that time in active grieving.  While it is unlikely that we can in any way accelerate the process, I felt as though I had arrived at a new perspective after having arrived home from the trip.

     One dimension of the grieving process is the desire for the pain to abate.  That is a constant. And we really must actively search for ways to make that happen.  One of the very best ways to deal with the pain of grieving is to allow yourself to laugh, an incredible antidote to the pain. And when you find yourself enjoying a moment of laughter, it is helpful to stop and acknowledge that moment to yourself.  Lock it in. Give yourself permission to laugh, and grant that permission over and over.

    Another helpful strategy that I discovered quite by accident is to stop stabbing yourself with the sharp edge of the pain of grief.  Yesterday, as is my Saturday habit, I listened to all my favorite NPR Saturday shows: Car Talk, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, This American Life, Ask Me Another and so on. During the shows I caught myself saying over and over to myself "Susan would love this". And I realized that every time I did that, I would feel the prick of the pain of missing her.  I resolved, with some success to stop doing that.  It was really the gratuitous infliction of pain. And apparently it was time to discover this habit and break it.  I enjoyed the rest of the day's programs much more, laughed more and acknowledged to myself that I had a great time.

     There is no magic bullet, no magic potion to get us through the process of grief. But we are active participants in the process, and there are steps we can take to help us get through the process while staying sane.

Be well and at peace.

09-13-2015